“A Surprise Party,” oil on canvas, by John George Brown, 1888.
PB: Welcome to Poem-in-the-Box. How may I help you?
Dad: Yes, I’d like a poem, please. Iambic pentameter, but easy on the stress.
PB: Would you like anything on that?
Dad: What are my choices?
PB: Rhyme, metaphor, alliteration … the usual condiments.
Dad (to daughter): Honey, do want a rhyme?
Daughter: No, I find rhyming poems much too low-brow. Poets who write them are retrogressions of human achievement, mere hominids who, if sufficiently trained and prodded, might conceivably manage to wipe themselves after they defecate.
Dad (back to P-in-B): Um, right. How much are alliterations?
PB: Fifty cents for a group of three, but we have a special this week: two groups for only seventy-five cents.
Dad: Okay, add two groups, and space them apart a little.
PB: No problem! Speaking of specials, we have a few works of, shall we say, questionable copyright.
Dad: No thanks. I don’t want any contraband in the car, in case I get pulled over.
PB: Fair enough. Can I interest you in a side of Haiku?
Dad: How many syllables?
PB: The standard: 7, 5, 7.
Dad: I don’t know…
PB: Capital letters are free today.
Dad: Okay, throw one in.
PB: Anything for dessert? We just received a shipment of new Roses-Are-Red poems, great for kids.
Dad: My daughter’s a little too advanced for that.
PB: How about limericks? Nothing about Kentucky in any of them. Just lemonade and shade and stuff.
Dad: Shh! No, God forbid.
PB: Fine. That will be twenty-two dollars and thirty-five cents. Please drive around to the pick-up window. And thank you for shopping at Poem-in-a-Box.
*
This skit was brought to you by The Lascaux Review, where all genres and styles are welcome. Except limericks.
Daughter: Wait a sec, Dad. Why not limericks?
Dad: Come on, Honey. You’re not serious.
Daughter: Yes I am. Limericks constitute an under-appreciated art form. They’re cultural bellwethers, especially regarding taboo and off-color aspects of human behavior.
Dad: Okay … limericks too.
Ahem. This skit was brought to you by The Lascaux Review, where all genres and styles are welcome. Even limericks. God help us.
Stephen Parrish is the editor of The Lascaux Review.
